Observations about simple happiness

“Simple happiness” is what I like to define as a situation in which, or a person with who, you feel so at ease that whenever you’re in that situation or with that person, you feel this incredible sense of calm happiness. This calm happiness, in my experience, is one that both makes your stomach or mouth hurt for hours because you’ve laughed or smiled so much, but also instills this sense of peace and serenity inside of you because of the sense of security you feel at the knowledge that this feeling will not go away. That it will not have to go away, because whichever situation you’re in, or whoever you’re with, is one that will last as long as you wish it to. This doesn’t necessarily have to be one that regularly takes place; you don’t have to be acquainted with something in order for you to feel acquainted with it (similar to how some people, even though you may have only known them for a couple of hours, make you feel safer than the people you’ve known for years). There are those experiences in life, for example trying dancing for the first time, or volunteering for the first time, in which you feel such a strong sense of belonging that you think to yourself “I will never stop coming back to this.” It doesn’t necessarily have to be something this specific either. It can be laughing with your friends, going to the movies, or cooking, or the presence of someone. But sometimes there are simply those experiences that bring a joy to your heart, one that both excites and calms you.

It feels as though I’m repeating the same thing over and over, but if you have ever experienced this feeling, you know that it can’t be referred to as much as it should, ever (and if you haven’t, that’s okay, because you will). For me, I believe that’s writing. Writing is what I consider a way for me to express myself, a way for me to leave a mark in the world, one which I hope influences, inspires people or simply brings them joy. Sometimes, when I’m writing and feeling particularly inspired, it feels as though the words are flowing out of me, and my hands can’t keep up with my mind. This also very commonly and specifically occurs in English analytical exams, since we’re usually required to write a very lengthy and comprehensive essay about a literary work in a short amount of time. Although some may despise it, I sometimes even enjoy those exams since they’re usually a place in which I’m required to be creative, my analysis is required to stand out. And so I begin to very carefully search for those little bits and pieces through which I can create a whole analysis, build upon it, provide evidence for, and finally impress the reader with. Although most would argue that exams are actually ways in which students are funelled into one way of thinking, and therefore are forced into memorizing things at the last minute rather than learning them in the long term (which I completely agree and struggle with in some of my classes), I for some reason don’t feel like it in my English classes. They seem a way for me to express my previous knowledge and skills, not memorization. The immediate feeling of pride and relief washing over you as you hand in the assignment or exam you have completely dedicated yourself to in the past hour or so is somehow a stressful thought to think and yet one which I want to feel. (Although I’d like to mention that I don’t experience this with any of my other lessons, and that I do agree that exams are a way in which students are pressured into thinking a single way, and are not a reflection of their overall performance.)

Another instance at which I feel a “simple happiness” is when I’m learning. When I feel myself grow. This can be anywhere: when I’ve pushed myself to think about and type up a blog post for the week, when I finally get down a yoga move I’ve been working so hard on, when I begin to try out different fashion styles in order to “spice things up”, ie. anything that makes me step out of my comfort zone. I’ve found an increasing amount of this happening in my psychology classes, and thus an increasing amount of “simple happiness” in a setting -classroom- that is conventionally “boring”. In my opinion, the primary thing that has contributed to my enjoyment of psychology classes is that we truly do critical thinking. Our teacher pushes us to be critical thinkers. Though most students nowadays simply follow powerpoints and take notes of the exact things the teachers are saying without trying to internalize or truly grasp anything, the way that ensures lifelong learning is to ask questions, try to learn more about the subject even if its not included in the curriculum to be able to make better connections, try different methods of thinking and such. And so by creating situations in which, or people with who, you can do things that bring you “simple happiness”, I assure you, you will grow. Because this thing doesn’t have to be critical thinking, or debate, or anything academic, anything that would be considered “productive”, and therefore useful or even better in our capitalist society. It can simply be cooking. Because you will definitely find growth in cooking as well. Or driving, or knitting, or whatever it is that gives you enjoyment, the kind of enjoyment you feel both safe and excited about.

Now the actual question is, can we force ourselves into having specific behaviors, or even people, with who we associate “simple happiness”?

The simple answer is no. The human body and brain is too smart to make ourselves truly enjoy things that we didn’t enjoy a couple of months ago, if there are no changes in circumstance (such as location, age, trends etc. If everything were to be kept the same, and the only factor being taken into consideration was that we disliked something and were unable to ever like it).

The longer answer is sometimes. Sometimes, the human brain is so smart that we can make ourselves believe that we’re enjoying an activity, that it’s giving us joy, or that this person we’ve been with for over 6-7 years is “our” person (even though we don’t honestly feel as such, but our feeling of having come down “too far along the way to back down” is more all-encompassing than our douts sometimes). Of course, we can make ourselves enjoy activities through other options like negative (“If you don’t do this, you’re not allowed more than 20 minutes of phone time per day.”) or positive reinforcement (sometimes also called motivation, “You can buy that book if you get above 80 on this exam.”), especially if it’s something that needs to be done (like feeding your pets, or studying). But that won’t necessarily mean that we begin to enjoy the activity. Sometimes, we may grow to like it, discover certain aspects of it that we like, therefore having created a “simple happiness”. But this also accounts for factor changes, like new aspects unknown to us prior, therefore falling outside of the scenario I just created in which there are no confounding variables -external factors which can alter the results of a situation. Other than situations, we definitely can’t force ourselves into loving someone. We can force ourselves into being addicted to them to the extent to which it’s bad for us. We can become addicted to a person to the extent to which it affects our system more than a drug would, affects our mental and physical health so much that we lose all sense of self.

But, in conclusion, we can’t make ourselves create scenarios -without any confounding variables- that are “simple happiness”. So the lesson to take from this is, truly be true to yourself. You’re the only thing in life that you’re sure is good (or at least can be good) to you. So if you’re recognizing patterns of forcing yourself into having certain simple hapinessess, those will stop being buoys in the storm you can resort to, but instead create storms themselves in the long run.