Observations about girlhood

So I haven’t been very active on here – and that’s because I got into Harvard and have been dealing with the student visa processes, the paperwork, socializing etc. and everything else that comes with that for a while – it’s definitely been an incredibly busy but amazing process!!!

A few updates: the classes I’m taking this semester include a first-year seminar (which is a Harvard-specific discussion type lecture that consists of specific topics and small groups of people with one professor, doing readings and explorations on that particular topic) about gender justice, CS50 (which is an introductory computer science class that’s very popular and is also offered online!), EC10A (principles of microeconomics) and a general education/core curriculum class about making change and the different fields through which change can be made, such as abortion, gay marriage, information avoidance in general, behavioral economics etc.

My time so far has honestly opened my eyes to so many new things and so there have been so many moments where I wanted to write to this blog but wasn’t able to because I was so busy, but reading period, which is a week off from classes to study for finals, begins today and so I finally have a little bit of time to relax and read and write!

I want to write about girlhood today, inspired mainly by the conclusion of my first-year seminar. I will have a whole entire separate discussion to talk about feminism and gender justice (or two or three) but today I just wanted to talk about the beauty of girlhood. My freshman seminar this semester was only girls because no guy wanted to take the class (which I will most definitely be talking about in my post about feminism), which is kinda sad, but worked out for the better I believe because it was such a significant and lovely experience – being able to share my experiences and thoughts freely without fear of being judged or misunderstood because all of the people in the class were people that at some point experienced, or will experience and know that they will experience, something similar to what I did. It goes on to show that we have experiences unique within themselves and within our interpretation of them but actually not unique at all, which is both comforting but also requires deliberation (but this is once again postponed for my feminism post).

In terms of girlhood, I believe I’ve been thinking about it more and more because I miss my girlfriends from back home so much, and because I don’t have that many girlfriends here, which is fine because I have a lot of friends that are girls (simply not “girlfriends” yet, which is normal) and a lot of guy friends that I’ve gotten really close with! I appreciate all of those friendships, and I think that at times it’s normal and even good to be uncomfortable in certain areas of your life, so you learn not to seek that “comfort” but to find something that truly brings you happiness and adds value to your life.

The reason why I was prompted to write this post was also because I recently finished “Everything I Know About Love” by Dolly Allderton, and I think it’s just a beautiful book that emphasized the importance of female friendships. Now, of course, she also acknowledges that at times she was too jealous of some boyfriends, potential spouses and stuff because she didn’t want to “lose” the girlfriends, the sisters, she had shared everything with. She later came onto realize that life moves whether you like for it to or not, and if your friendship doesn’t survive under such strains to the point to which you’re not made a priority anymore, it’s better to let that go anyway. But I do agree that sometimes, in close female friendships, the introduction of another male into the dynamic can mess things up or at the very least confuse you. This effect is even further enhanced if you’re not in a relationship at that moment, but your friend is, and thus when you have free time you reach out to her, whereas she reaches out to her newly-found partner and what can sometimes feel like best friend. Nobody’s in the wrong here- it’s completely valid to want to spend a lot of time with someone that’s exciting, ignites your curiosity, and that makes you feel good and different, but it’s also valid to feel bad and even jealous of not being made a priority in the life of someone that was so prominent before.

I think girlhood is a field of life that is extremely mystical and unique – I’ve definitely had female friendships where the primary dynamic was competition and feeling as though you always had to “one up” each other, friendships where you don’t really have that much in common except for the fact that you’re both girls (which can sometimes be enough but if you have absolutely nothing in common, then usually not), but also friendships where you confess to them things you can’t even say out loud to yourself, where you don’t even have to vocalize/verbalize these confessions because they can understand them so well and probably knew before you did that you were feeling this, friendships where you treat one another like siblings, mothers, daughters, comrades, and best friends, friendships where you feel so fulfilled you don’t need to stay in touch with the outside world, at least for a while. I believe this can happen with anyone, but for me, it’s mainly the knowledge that we females share so much in common even if we actually don’t have anything in common that makes me feel immediately close to girls. It’s that experience where you both know what you’ve been through as a female, for example in school, in society, in relationships, in family dynamics, and this mutual acknowledgement of strength and resilience (and badassery). Apart from this, it’s also the subconscious feeling of females seeking connection on a deeper level – this is seen time and time again that not only do females feel more at ease (and in fact, prefer!) to express their feelings, but they also seek deep connections.

The desire to say “I love you” even if you haven’t known them for that long, because you love them in that moment.

The desire to be protected by your female friends but also protect them at the same time from anything bad the world has to offer, any obstacles that will inevitably be thrown in their way.

The pressing urge to get them gifts when you see something you think they’d like.

Feeling the safety/security of letting yourself be “dumb”, not think about things that maybe you should think about and not having to prove anything – but also using your intellect at times and not being scared of doing that either.

Wearing matching fits, reading the same book at the same time, coordinating your favorite TV show’s episodes so you can watch them together when you’re at one another’s house, the pride of being the built-in plus one at every family gathering to the point to which you begin getting invitations, as well as the happiness that comes from their parents loving you like their own to the point to which they specifically look for houses with extra rooms because you’re there so much (yes, this actually happened and is the sweetest thing ever), wanting to celebrate the smallest accomplishments/milestones, bettering yourself together, going on a night out and spending the whole time with each other, not being grossed out by one another, the pride you feel when you introduce them to other friends and they go on to (naturally) make others like them and you just sit and think “how lucky i am to be loved by a person like you.”

It really is an essential bond that curates so much of our psyche, of our way of understanding and analyzing the world. Female friendships, sisterhoods, are some of the most complex, intricate, delicate, rare, and beautiful bonds I’ve ever encountered. If you find one, don’t let it go.